- Mar 14, 2023
- 4 min read
Updated: Mar 15, 2023
Perhaps... if you've asked a search engine the question, then that would be highly probable.
It might help to ask yourself the following questions;
Do you walk away from conversations with friends or family feeling that they hadn't quite followed your train of thought?
Do you find yourself laying awake at night ruminating over the days conversations and feeling that they hadn't ended how you wanted them to?
Do you feel unheard?
Do you feel that you are alone? Even if you are surrounded by people but still feel a bit empty and lonely?
If you answered any of the above (or all of them) with a resounding "YES", then perhaps counselling may help you feel heard, not just spoken at, instead of spoken with.
It's incredibly easy to be surrounded by people, followers, likers and avatars but to still feel lonely, you're achieving some human connection that you feel you need but still feel an emptiness, this can often happen when you're not getting the right level of human connection. That's not a fault of yours, that is simply a result of not being around completely like-minded people, you're not being heard, you're not being appreciated and that is a lonely place to be.
Whether you seek therapy, try a new hobby, change jobs or start volunteering, a change of people around you may help. You don't need to ditch everyone around you, it doesn't mean they're bad people, perhaps they're busy or distracted with their own "stuff", you may just need to try to inject a couple of new faces into your circle...or even a new passion that you didn't know existed. We're resilient as humans, whilst people may say that change isn't natural for us, it may be argued that change is exactly what we need sometimes to realise our place in the world, to uncover something that you didn't know you had to offer - come to think of it, that's how I got into Counselling!
I was unfulfilled in my life and felt lonely...I wasn't alone but something was missing, every six months or so I would get a feeling of lowness that I couldn't express other than "I need to be doing something that matters", something needed to change, I just didn't know at the time, that I needed to change.
I decided that I wanted to do some form of volunteering but I didn't feel that I had any transferrable skills; I couldn't build houses for homeless people, I couldn't run marathons, I couldn't bake cakes or teach under privileged kids. I worked in a customer service environment, speaking to people all day long, taking orders, dealing with complaints, 9hrs a day on the phone...THAT was my transferrable skill, being on the phone, listening and actually hearing what people needed to have a better work life so I tapped into a popular search engine "volunteering on the phone" and Samaritans came up and there I was completing an interest form. Before I knew it; I was at a selection event, an interview and then 12 weeks of training and then taking my first call, all within a few months.
As I met more and more seasoned Samaritans and did more shifts, I began to feel that that was my calling, to simply be available for people and to listen.
Listening to someone in distress is, of course heart-breaking, it is human nature to want everything to be fixed for the person on the end of the phone and reassure them that everything will be ok but that is generally where the problems occur, people are not a leaky sink to fix, people will generally already know what their own next best move is. It is also an incredibly humbling experience for the listener, this person is comfortable enough with you to share what no one else has noticed or chosen to listen to in their "real life".
The rest as they say is history, I left the unfulfilling elements of my life behind, got my laptop and began studying to be a counsellor. Don't get me wrong, I've made that sound very simple, it was an incredibly tricky and exhausting time - perhaps I'll share that another time.
To be a counsellor is an honour, to know that someone has chosen from potentially thousands of counsellors (17,000 registered in the England alone). I love all my clients, they're all wonderful individuals, I value them incredibly highly and appreciate the experiences that they share with me. I know counselling isn't easy, it hurts sometimes but as my Mum told me as a child, if it hurts, it's healing, admittedly she also said that if it was stinging/itching/oozing but you get my point. To share your experiences, thoughts and feelings with someone who is willingly listening, without judgement or needing to be part of the end result is liberating.
So, perhaps counselling would help, perhaps an addition of new experiences or people may help - the choice is yours, you've got skills that you don't even realise and they can benefit other people. You've got this, I believe in you!